Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.
"What is the meaning of this?" the director asked.
"When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held."
"Well, the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination."
"What is the meaning of this?" the director asked.
"When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held."
"Well, the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination."
Theek Hai - Prime Minister Manmohan Singh
It is a pro North Indian Budget - Shiv Sena spokesperson
I demand complete rollback of Union Budget - Mamta Banerjee
I will give 4.5 stars to Union Budget - Taran Adarsh
It is not good for middle class. I wished P Chidambaram had seen my shopping list - A middle class wife
The Union Budget is a blow to Modi - NTDV news anchor
I don't care; I have a boyfriend - a girl recently proposed by a boy on Valentine's day.
Though the budget is not good and is anti-poor but we support it to keep communal forces away from power - Mulayam Singh Yadav
It is a game changer - Rahul Gandhi
I knew this type of budget will come but when it will come I did not know - Home Minister Shusil Kumar Shinde
The budget is 90% idiot - Justice Katju
There is nothing in Union Budget for Marathi Manoos - MNS spokesperson
Beautiful Budget. Kiss to Chidu - KRK
It is a corrupt budget. It will not help in bringing back black money - Baba Ramdev
I will expose the budget - Arvind Kejriwaal
Just like 2G scam, it is a zero loss budget - Kapil Sibal
Thanks to Shri Rajeev Gandhi for the wonderful union budget - Congress spokesperson
We are planning to hold an internal debate between our PM candidates and will then react - BJP spokesperson
I did not listen to P Chidambaram as I was feeling nostalgic - President Pranab Mukherjee
It is an anti-dalit and a Manuwadi budget - Mayawati
Fundamentals of budget are strong. In long term stock market will give good returns - An Indian stock market analyst
It is a pro North Indian Budget - Shiv Sena spokesperson
I demand complete rollback of Union Budget - Mamta Banerjee
I will give 4.5 stars to Union Budget - Taran Adarsh
It is not good for middle class. I wished P Chidambaram had seen my shopping list - A middle class wife
The Union Budget is a blow to Modi - NTDV news anchor
I don't care; I have a boyfriend - a girl recently proposed by a boy on Valentine's day.
Though the budget is not good and is anti-poor but we support it to keep communal forces away from power - Mulayam Singh Yadav
It is a game changer - Rahul Gandhi
I knew this type of budget will come but when it will come I did not know - Home Minister Shusil Kumar Shinde
The budget is 90% idiot - Justice Katju
There is nothing in Union Budget for Marathi Manoos - MNS spokesperson
Beautiful Budget. Kiss to Chidu - KRK
It is a corrupt budget. It will not help in bringing back black money - Baba Ramdev
I will expose the budget - Arvind Kejriwaal
Just like 2G scam, it is a zero loss budget - Kapil Sibal
Thanks to Shri Rajeev Gandhi for the wonderful union budget - Congress spokesperson
We are planning to hold an internal debate between our PM candidates and will then react - BJP spokesperson
I did not listen to P Chidambaram as I was feeling nostalgic - President Pranab Mukherjee
It is an anti-dalit and a Manuwadi budget - Mayawati
Fundamentals of budget are strong. In long term stock market will give good returns - An Indian stock market analyst
A lion woke up one morning with the urge to inflict his superiority on his fellow beasts. So he strode over to a monkey and roared: "Who is the mightiest animal in the jungle?"
"You are, Master," said the monkey, quivering.
Then the lion came across a warthog.
"Who is the mightiest animal in the jungle?" roared the lion.
"You are, Master," said the warthog, shaking with fear.
Next the lion met an elephant.
"Who is the mightiest animal in the jungle?" roared the lion.
The elephant grabbed the lion with his trunk, slammed him against a tree half a dozen times, dropped him like a stone and ambled off.
"All right," shouted the lion. "There's no need to turn nasty just because you don't know the answer."
"You are, Master," said the monkey, quivering.
Then the lion came across a warthog.
"Who is the mightiest animal in the jungle?" roared the lion.
"You are, Master," said the warthog, shaking with fear.
Next the lion met an elephant.
"Who is the mightiest animal in the jungle?" roared the lion.
The elephant grabbed the lion with his trunk, slammed him against a tree half a dozen times, dropped him like a stone and ambled off.
"All right," shouted the lion. "There's no need to turn nasty just because you don't know the answer."
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! That's terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday
Patient: Might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! That's terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday
A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to take up farming.
He heads to the local livestock supplier and tells the man, "Give me 100 baby chickens."
The supplier complies.
A week later the man returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens."
The man at the supplier complies. Again, a week later the man returns.
This time he says, "Give me 500 baby chickens."
"Wow!" the supplier replies. "You must really be doing well!"
"Naw," said the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart!"
He heads to the local livestock supplier and tells the man, "Give me 100 baby chickens."
The supplier complies.
A week later the man returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens."
The man at the supplier complies. Again, a week later the man returns.
This time he says, "Give me 500 baby chickens."
"Wow!" the supplier replies. "You must really be doing well!"
"Naw," said the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart!"
An eminent doctor goes for a meal in a gourmet restaurant.
As he is inspecting the menu, the head waiter appears and tries to be particularly helpful.
"You might be interested to know that I have pickled liver, braised kidneys and stewed tongue."
"Sounds terrible," says the doctor. "Call my assistant and make an appointment for tomorrow. Right now, I'll have the fish."
As he is inspecting the menu, the head waiter appears and tries to be particularly helpful.
"You might be interested to know that I have pickled liver, braised kidneys and stewed tongue."
"Sounds terrible," says the doctor. "Call my assistant and make an appointment for tomorrow. Right now, I'll have the fish."
Mrs. Smith found her husband hanging in his bedroom this morning.
There was a note on his bed which read, "I can't take the critism anymore."
Mrs. Smith quickly cut him down and managed to revive him.
As Mr. Smith lay in her arms and slowly opened his eyes, she said, "That's not how you spell criticism."
There was a note on his bed which read, "I can't take the critism anymore."
Mrs. Smith quickly cut him down and managed to revive him.
As Mr. Smith lay in her arms and slowly opened his eyes, she said, "That's not how you spell criticism."
A little girl made a cup of tea for her mother.
"I didn't know you could make tea," said mum taking a sip.
"Yes, I boiled some water, added the tea leaves like you do, and then strained it into a cup. But I couldn't find the strainer, so I used the fly swatter."
''What!'' exclaimed mum, choking on her tea.
''Oh, don't worry. I didn't use the new fly swatter. I used the old one."
"I didn't know you could make tea," said mum taking a sip.
"Yes, I boiled some water, added the tea leaves like you do, and then strained it into a cup. But I couldn't find the strainer, so I used the fly swatter."
''What!'' exclaimed mum, choking on her tea.
''Oh, don't worry. I didn't use the new fly swatter. I used the old one."
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